You can, too. — By Alec Winshel and Michael Kellman I was once lost, lonely, and unable to get a date like all of you schmucks, but then I watched every Rom-Com in existence and now I make Casanova look like Quasimodo. So I put together this guide to give back to the community…

The Bible tells it differently. — By Michael Kellman & Alec Winshel I’ll admit that I’m not the perfect husband. I don’t like doing chores. I sleep late some mornings. I get jealous when my wife cheats on me with deities. But, my-wife’s-lover-dammit, I try my best to be a good husband and father. …

Like, for real, guys. — To: New Year’s Bash 3:34 PM Subject: Get Hyped, Also I Have an Ask Hey everyone, I’m super excited for tonight and I hope you all are too. …

It’s Free! A link to my Substack where I publish longer things that I spend lots of time on! Check it out! It isn’t bad! https://kellman.substack.com/

Oh my gosh! Look. Listen… What’s that behind you? Or, alternatively, I don’t even need to say it. I can just look over your shoulder and widen my eyes, like I’m seeing something back there. What is it I’m seeing? You better look for yourself. This trick isn’t used NEARLY…

Doesn’t even matter what I put as the subtitle. Look fhdjskafnbefuiwqlbfndl. — Easily digestible. You’re lazy. You like being told how to fix things and when they’re enumerated it seems helpful. Haha look at those silly numbers going from 1–10. Hehe. Hehehe. Things seem more useful in list form, even if they really aren’t. You can put a list on the fridge…

Morning light filters through the pines, and we know we are alive.

It’s a serious issue. — Hey guys. Welcome to my Instagram Live stream! Thanks for tuning in. I’ve decided to speak my truth here because the so-called “New York Times” won’t answer my emails. There’s so much discussion these days of equal pay — of the so-called “pay gap” (sounds super real) — and yet…

Everything you need to know. — #1. Pigeons Pigeons are like Tom Brady. Despite your continued hatred, they’re everywhere and they stay winning. Somehow, they can’t be stopped. And they vomit food into their offsprings mouths. When Tom kisses his son on the lips? Not just saliva being exchanged. #2. Albatross Albatrosses are fucking huge. Have you ever seen an…